90 Days of Becoming the Woman God wants me to be

Last night I had one too many glasses of wine..

A single thought of my past lover, and 24 ounces of poison came trickling down my spineI call it fine wine.

I sipped one way too many last night, red fluids filling my tiny 125 pound body. As my candle danced in the night, I did too. Volume up, world tuned out. I couldn't feel a single bone in my body. Numb. I lifted my arms in mid air and twirled. I pledge allegiance to your love. On repeat. I danced in the middle of my apartment until my body started swaying. I was in fact tipsy. I know. But I crept my long limbs into bed, wine drops staining my t-shirt and my dizzy head filled with a million thoughts. I'm still in love with him. Damn esh. My consciousness, spoke. You're doing it again. Reminiscing your past, that can no longer serve you.

I pledge allegiance to your love - Ro James

Funny thing is the last letter I read, really fucked me up. I was in London, stuck in customs and bloop, I glanced at my phone. Then I froze. I still remember it, like it was yesterday. "I'm still in love with you esh" it read. I swallowed a large section of air, and read the love letter thoroughly, yet quietly.  There wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. After all it was you that got us here in the first place. You're a no man's man. Don't belong to anyone. Not a single soul. You get satisfaction of having multiple women to choose from. You toyed with my heart and my emotions, took my love for granted, didn't appreciate this token, now I must be mispoken. Still in love with you playa'. Even after I found out you were unfaithful, I went searching for you in another person, trying to fill a void I only came to realize I just dug deeper. I guess we all get a few bad apples huh? Well I'm done picking from the fucking apple tree. I decided that I'm letting go. I'm gonna set myself free. Relationship, with God. And a relationship with me. This is day one. 90 Days of Blogging. One step closer to becoming the woman God has destined me to be. - xxiesha h.

90 days of blogging

And this is why I began my 90 days

..of blogging. 

Before I self-destruct. 

I challenge myself on 5/11/17

To put myself to the test. 

To wake up everyday with a purpose 

Write. Read. Blog. Stretch. Pray. Meditate.

No more days going to waste. No more waking up in tears. No more lounging around.

In 90 days I want to be one step closer to being the woman God wants me to be. I don't know how I'll get there 

how fast, or what path that'll cost me, But I know I'll be one step closer,  to God, and my true self. Xx - i

(Currently reading):  Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be: A 90‑Day Guide to living the Proverbs 31 Life

Book by Donna Partow